This friendly gasoline machine has been dispensing sage advice for over ten years now.

I used to work at the nearby mall–there’s an afterschool art-education program there, and I used to teach art to kids there. Whenever I could, I’d go here for gasoline. You can find it at the corner of Woodman and Riverside Drive in Sherman Oaks (map).

It’s not the cheapest gas in town, but it’s clearly the most articulate.

Read the rest of its sagacious advice after the jump…

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It’s Wizard-of-Oz windy out there. Debris is flying through the air, and traffic lights are out all over town. Take that stretch of Corbin near my office in Chatsworth, for instance: no working traffic lights there. No sirree. What does LAFD tell us? What you already know, I’m sure:

With the possibility of downed power lines causing local power outages, drivers should use extreme caution when approaching darkened traffic signals. Whether driving on a main thoroughfare or a side street, motorists should treat all non-functioning traffic signals as a four way stop.

Pretty simple right? Sadly no. What would be a minor inconvenience in most cities is a mini-death-race-2000 in the Valley. If only anyone here knew how to treat a four-way stop, but they don’t. There are two possible approaches in the San Fernando Valley: 1.Muscle your way through with speed and aggression, or 2.Sit timidly at the light for far too long until the people behind you honk at you.

Seriously, at all five of the intersections with blackened traffic signals that I passed through tonight, anarchy reigned. The nearest thing I could figure is that Valley drivers only know how to deal with a traffic signal that is out when there is a white-gloved cop to wave cars through. Barring that, they just pretend there is a cop there and somewhat randomly drive through in spurts under the safety-in-numbers theory of traffic. So, in the interests of my own personal well being as well as the safety of all of my fellow Angelenos, I offer you the rules of the road. Please read if you are uncertain. This has been a public service announcement.

This is happening in the hills above Calabasas, in the West Valley, so I have a soft spot for this new Halloween attraction. Plus, they incorporate actual real-life ghost storytelling into the event, which is crazy cool.

The Haunted Hayride was started by a couple gals who were transplants from the midwest & east coast, and who missed the Halloween hayrides they’d had in their childhoods. In addition to being super spooky ’cause it’s, well, in the woods and all, it has your standard scares and scream-inducing surprises. It also has readings of ghost stories, a carnival sideshow,  cider & candy apples, so I’m sold.

They’re getting well-known names to do the ghost story sessions, and it looks like Amy Smart will be doing this Friday’s reading.

They’ve given me a discount to pass on to you, our loyal Metblogs readers. When you buy your tix online, you’ll have the option to enter a promotional code: type in “Metblogs” for five bucks off! You’re welcome.

When Chatsworth isn’t on fire, it’s actually kind of neat. And so far since this northwest corner of the Valley has escaped fire season (crosses fingers, knocks on wood, kisses rabbit’s foot), you should venture on out this Saturday & check out their adorable farmers’ market in the parking lot at the sylvan St. Stephen Presbyterian Church, where willowy eucalyptus bends over the farm stands and the vendors’ kids run around & play on the grass.

It’s small, but there are enough fruit & veggie vendors to create a diverse selection of produce, from cactus fruit (”fruta di nopales,” said the lady, attempting to communicate with me despite my limited Spanish) to brilliantly colored white and yellow peaches, nectarines, pluots and strawberries.

My favorite booth has to be the one from Shabazz Bakery, though, staffed by what I’m guessing were the only African-American people in all of Chatsworth that day, serving up carrot pie, navy bean pie and pecan pie from 60-year-old recipes. My mom & I, who were spending a lazy Saturday afternoon together, were blown back by the samples they gave us and we bought two pies each to take home.

Chatsworth / Porter Ranch Certified Farmers’ Market: 4:00 p.m. to 8:00 p.m., St. Stephen Presbyterian Church Parking Lot, 20121 Devonshire St. (cross street is Winnetka Ave.)

Burbank Water and Power is conducting a beta test of a new residential energy and water savings program, the “Green Home House Call.” They need volunteers, preferably from single-family homes with automatic sprinklers, to help evaluate the program. As part of the test, you will receive free weatherization services, water efficient product installation, energy efficient lightbulbs and more.

If you would like to volunteer to be in the beta test group, please call 1.866.365.7358 to set up an appointment.

So I drive to work every morning along the 118, across the northeastern spine of the San Fernando Valley across to the 5 freeway, which I then follow to Burbank, bleary-eyed and swilling coffee from 7-11.

On the 118, in the upper reaches of Northridge and Granada Hills and North Hills or all those ridges and hills and whatever you want to call them, a number of bridges connect the suburban sprawl on the Valley side with the narrower band of houses and streets, mid-70s developments, abutting the brown hills (that would be Oat Mountain).

On a regular basis these bridges are festooned with messages to the drivers below. Usually it’s HAPPY BIRTHDAY SCOTT or a cross and a heart made out of individual ribbons tied onto the chain-link fence. Sometimes it’s JEFF LOVES SARAH or HAPPY GRADUATION TERESA.

This morning, though, totally changed my grumbly outlook on the day ahead. In the smallish metallic letters linked by metal brads, the kind you can buy at a party store that usually fold out to say “Happy Birthday,” someone had hung HAPPY MONDAY on the overpass near Woodley.

I was going 76mph and didn’t see it until the last minute, so I don’t have a photo. But whoever hung that early-morning greeting over the 118 East, I’d like to send you a big thank-you for making my day. And I’d figure I’d pass it on to all of you, readers. Happy Monday.

Remember my post from last week, written by Tiny, the kitten in need of a home? Well, she still hasn’t found one. I know, collective “Awwww.” But maybe this will convince you. This is her brother. Behold, below. YOU WANT THIS KITTEN.

I really have to give a shout out to FixNation, which has been providing me with traps and free spay/neuter services so we can sterilize the feral cat population on this one little suburban block in the West Valley. It’s disconcerting, to see how many cats there are just here, on this one block. I can’t imagine how many others die unloved & uncared for. If you have a pet, please spay & neuter.

If you really do want to meet Marmie II, follow the instructions in this post.

Hi! My name is Tiny. I was born with my brother & sister in the middle of a backyard in Canoga Park. I was very hungry for a long time, even though Mom nursed me & watched over me. Then Mom & us kittens went over the wall into a nice lady’s yard. She is a funny-looking lady with green hair and big black shoes and she’s always typing on her computer. I make her sneeze. But she feeds us! Lots! So I’m getting big and strong and she can’t feel my ribs as much any more. But I’m still the smallest of the three of us kittens, which is why she named me Tiny.

The crazy lady loves me, but she is already taking care of lots of big grown-up cats. She picks me up & holds me & pets me and I love it. I am snuggly and cuddly and curious, I like to sit on people’s shoulders, and I need a good, safe home. Because raccoons try to eat us here, and a neighbor kid has a BB gun, and there are big dogs that run loose. I need a safe home where I will stay indoors and be loved & petted.

If you would like to adopt me, email the crazy green-haired lady at lucindamichele (at) gmail (daht) com. And to learn more about the place called FixNation where the crazy lady is getting all us homeless cats spayed & neutered for free, click here.

“I love public art projects because, when they’re done right, they give identity and character to a neighborhood,” said Councilmember Tom LaBonge.

The North Hollywood Gateway is up, it’s lit, and it already has its fair share of detractors. Metblogs’ own Jodi gave her review just a few days ago.

Let’s be honest: Nobody likes it. When I drive under the massive public art thing that has vomitously spewed across Lankershim Boulevard, I can’t help but think, “Who approved this?”

So, I asked.
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Last year, Jason showed us a sneak preview of the recently commissioned North Hollywood Gateway. Well, on July 9th the installation was unveiled. I’d forgotten about this and was driving along Lankershim a few days later and was taken by surprise. And then I drove around the block to get another look.

From the NoHo Arts District website:

As part of our mission to revitalize the communities we work in, the CRA/LA works to include arts and culture in our redevelopment plans. The NoHo Gateway has been created to span Lankershim Boulevard and welcome visitors to the arts district. The Gateway will complement other public improvements and visually enhance the overall street character by focusing on NoHo’s unique identity as a destination where people can experience all art forms.

Click through to see the gateway at night!