Had I figured out how to use my camera faster, this Two Boots slice wouldn't have been cold by the time I ate it.

You know them: you’re sitting down for a perfectly awesome meal when your dinner companion whips out a camera and takes a plate-level, eagle-eye, and close-up picture of her dish, then yours.  In the meantime, no one can touch the food, lest it ruin the shot.  Yeah, that dinner companion is me, and if I knew how to take better pictures, I might get the right shot the first or second time, and we all might get to eat a little faster.  Sorry.

For those of us needing the extra lesson or two on how to take pictures/use our camera in places that do not so kindly set up a light box especially for foodie bloggers (i.e., the very pretty soft box set up by Chef Ludo and his wife Krissy at the recently popped-down LudoBites at Royal/T), Daily Gluttony and other local foodie bloggers will be leading a “Phototasting” workshop on Saturday at the brand spanking new Hilton Checkers Hotel downtown.  Whether you have a fancy schmancy digital camera or a point and shoot, you’ll learn all about how to take food porn photos worthy of Giadia.  Best part: the $45 you’re laying down for the workshop includes not only the enrollment fee, but also the materials fee as well.  In other words, those aren’t plastic apples waiting for their close-up, people.  Checkers Chef (say that three times fast) Todd Allison has prepared dishes for you to practice on, guaranteeing that you’ll have enough pretty dishes to perfect your method.  After this class, you would have earned those high marks in the Food Didn’t Get Cold category.

The Phototasting workshop is from 12pm – 3pm this Saturday at the Hilton Checkers restaurant downtown.  Hop over to EventBrite to reserve your spot.  Between now and then, check out these handy tips from Caroline on Crack on how to take “porn-tastic” photos.  Of food.

The West Hollywood branch of Healthy Spot is at 8525 Santa Monica Boulevard.  The grand opening party is from 10am – 4pm.

Indeed, the library card’s chances of survival after the owner reaches the age of, oh, 21 is slim, as the card, once swiped weekly, is needed less and less over time as buying books – or not reading them – becomes more and more of the norm.  Yesterday, “Save the local library!”; today, “Save the local bookstore!”

About two weeks ago, I had the immense pleasure of taking (forcing) a friend to get a library card.  Not just any library card; no, it was the first library card she’s had in 13 years.  I don’t think there was a moment in my life after 7 when I didn’t have a library card in my wallet.  It was a necessity – we didn’t buy a whole lot of books when I was a kid.  Not even school-sanctioned books, like those that came in the Scholastic book catalogues. See, while my classmates eagerly circled the books they would ask their parents to buy, I was stuck in my little corner, eagerly circling the books I was going to check out.  But then, we all ended up reading the same books, and so all was right.  After that, it never struck me to not have a library card, in the same way it never struck me to stop reading books.

There seems to be three types of library card users: those who are loose-minded sports who will check out anything and everything that their card allows – fiction, non-fiction, history, new books, old – as long as it is a book; those who use their card in order to access the library in its rawest form as an academic and research institution; and those with equal severity who will use their card to check out only the newest and latest releases, and not much else.  If I had to choose, I’d fall into the first category.  We have more fun.

The library card represents to me a certain access to freedom and equality: literary liberation, if you will.  Some public library cards are better than others, I think, at representing this liberty.  For example, take the Los Angeles Public Library’s card.  The card’s Crayola design clearly represents intellectual freedom, books, and the magic of imagination … as interpreted by the children’s section of the 1980s.

See what I mean after the jump.

In contrast, the Santa Monica Public Library’s card is sleek, modern, and steers clear of primary colors.  The bright grass green conveys a sense of environmentalism and beach-iness without resorting to recycling box blue.  It also slyly alludes to the openness of the library itself.  If you haven’t been to SMPL, it is quite beautiful, with big windows, lots of sunlight, and an enormous DVD selection.  It’s like being in a garden in the spring with the books in bloom.

The Cerritos Public Library card is the library I grew up in; my first library card.  Prior to a multi-million dollar renovation in which much titanium and some books were added, the Cerritos Public Library card was moldy manila folder yellow with a bar code laminated on it.  Post-renovation, the card received a much needed facelift.  Gone was the yellow; in its place is bright, safe white, with an ouroboros-like circle of color splashed in front.  Similar to credit cards and government-issued identity cards, your photo goes on the card, apparently to deter would-be library fraudsters from checking out scandalous books under your name.  Those unfortunate non-residents of Cerritos who do not fit into certain narrow categories must pay a $100 annual fee in order to buy into the privilege of checking out books housed under a titanium roof.  It’s not quite the American Express black card, but it’s close.  Ok, it’s not really.

I keep my Cerritos library card more out of nostalgia than anything else.  Who wants to pay a $100 non-resident fee when you can library at the even more beautiful central branches of the LAPL and SMPL?  And the central branch of the Pasadena Public Library!  My favorite discovery so far this year.  The newest addition to my friend’s wallet, here is the Pasadena Public Library card.  No interpretation required – this card comes with instructions.

Really, it’s like you’re carrying a postcard in your wallet every day.  In front of the foothills, surrounded by palm trees, this card promises access to an oasis in the desert.  A Hogwartsian oasis.  You see, the brightness of the building there betrays the darkness inside.  The beautiful, gorgeous darkness.  Whereas the Santa Monica Public library is open and airy, the Pasadena Public Library is like the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry: high, high ceilings, cherry oak shelves, stained-glass windows.  If this doesn’t make you want to be quiet and read a book, I don’t know what will.

The dreadful part of all these library cards is, of course, the fines.  I have a $6 fine currently sitting on my SMPL card – if you don’t trust your friend to return a book they borrowed from you, never trust them to return a DVD you borrowed from a library – and it haunts me every time I so much as glimpse the grass green behind my credit card.  Indeed, I have way more guilt about that fine than the debt I carry on my credit cards.  Alas.

I’ve got more cards – Berkeley, San Francisco, Oakland.  I love them all.  I love the books they let me borrow.  Most of all, I love the underlying principle that education, and access to education, is a right, not a privilege.  Individually, the cards represent something unique about the library to which they grant access, but collectively, they represent a lot of books.  A lot of books for a loose-minded sport like me.

Photo of the Pasadena Public Library card courtesy of its new proud owner, Christina Kuo.  Title and parts of this blog post courtesy MFK Fisher and, for that matter, David Foster Wallace.

The O.G.

If this weekend’s food trucks-for-Haiti event proved anything, it is that people will show up to eat street food.  In fact, they’ll show up regardless of the reason why these trucks have gathered a la Fast and Furious: Food Truck Edition.  Case in point: at least half a dozen people I talked to on Saturday had no idea that the purpose of the event was to raise money for Red Cross’s efforts in Haiti.  Upon being told, most said they’d maybe buy an extra something to support the cause.  Ah, slacktivism at its finest.

On February 13th, there need not be any pretense: over 30 trucks will gather for no reason other than to celebrate cheap food.  Shawna Dawson and Sonja Rasulaover (of Unique LA) have organized the first ever Street Food Fest at the LA Center Studios downtown.  Unlike the Haiti fundraiser, it looks like it won’t just be the circa-2008 food trucks in attendance.  No, note the name of the festival: it’s not a food truck festival, it’s a street food festival.  The organizers promise to showcase a close-to-complete picture of street food in Los Angeles, from NoHo’s longstanding Antojitos de Abuelita truck to Thai street food from the Wat Thai Temple to the shiny new kids on the block like the Flying Pig.  Here’s hoping that Echo Park’s churro lady makes a surprise appearance as well, because I miss her every single time I’m in the area. Because this is coming from the home of Unique LA, there also will be pop-up Unique LA-esque booths, with local artists and designers selling their pre-Valentine’s Day wares, if you are into that sort of thing.  It’s about time everyone got together for a little street party.

EDIT: Shawna tells us in the comments that there will be a donation-based cash beer and wine bar, the proceeds of which will support the Los Angeles Regional Foodbank.  The event also will go to 5pm, not 4pm as originally planned.  Sweet!!  More time, more food!

The First Annual Street Food Fest is Saturday, February 13th from 11am to 4pm 5pm at the LA Center Studios (500 S. Beaudry Ave.).  Because there’s all this open air food, no doggies allowed.  I know, total bummer.

Photo courtesy ddjewelz via the Metblogs Flickr pool.

Ah, to be a bird in a Katherine Chiu piece.

Apparently, the time to have an existentialist dilemma about which non-profit group will best use donations in a time of crisis is during the time of crisis.  Prime example: the devastation crippling Haiti, in which my Facebook page, Twitter, and inbox all have been flooded with half-debates over which group would best utilize funds.  Wyclef’s Yele Haiti Foundation?  Partners in Health?  George Clooney’s Haiti-o-thon?  The Southern California Mobile Food Vendors Association, however, has its mind made up: the Red Cross.  The Association has organized a food truck fundraiser on Saturday from 11am to 4pm, with nearly two dozen food trucks committed to donating a portion of their proceeds to the Red Cross.  The Dosa Truck, Buttermilk Truck, and South Philly Experience Truck are among the donees that will congregate  in front of T-Lofts on Olympic and Butler.

A few hours later, Tinlark Gallery, which aims to cultivate both young artists and the art collector in all of us by making design within economical reach, will have its Third Anniversary Show, “Three x Ten.”  From 6 to 9, the 6″ x 6″ works of 30 pretty sweet artists – i.e., Katherine Chiu, APAK, and Brooks Salzwedel - will be featured and for sale.  You can even bring the kiddies to this one, as artist Wesely Younie promises a secret “special craft” session to entertain them.  It’ll be like dropping the kids off at the swimming pool of balls at Ikea, except you’ll come home with something that actually will last more than a year.

The Food Trucks for Haiti event is on Saturday, 11am to 4pm, at T-Lofts (11500 Tennesee Blvd.)

Tinlark’s “Three x Ten” is from 6pm – 9pm and is located at 6671 Sunset Boulevard #1512 in Hollywood.

I'm going for the dogs.

Inspired by Obama – this really should become a clothing line or food product – City Labs is organizing a giant one-day non-profit fair fest.  A week from Saturday, organizations (that apparently are not teeming with unemployed folks) will be in one enormous, somewhat overwhelming room, giving out information on how you can spend your excess time helping them help others, and taking volunteers on the spot.  Why search fruitlessly online for organizations when the information can be brought to you?  It’ll be like an employment fair, except you’re guaranteed a position.

826LA will be there, as will be Food Forward, Los Angeles Guerilla Gardening, LA’s SPCA, WriteGirl, and more than 45 other nonprofits.  In addition, there will be workshops held throughout the day (i.e., the “Lazy Person’s Guide to Going Green,” which applies equally, and without judgment, to us all).  Consistent with the whole volunteering theme, there will be an area where you can sit down and pack some food boxes while you sip on your beer.  Finally, community designers fresh from Unique LA will raffle away their one-of-a-kind wares, which is pretty nifty by itself.

The fair takes place on Saturday, January 23rd from 11am to 4pm at the California Market Center downtown.  There is no entrance fee, but a $5 donation is requested (that includes a beer ticket, so just give up the Lincoln, people).   Afterward, head out to our very own Classic Eats event, location of which will be announced as soon as the people have spoken within the allotted amount of time in which they are permitted to speak (i.e., voting for the next Classic Eats event ends Monday, so vote now!).  Obama, you inspire us all.

The picture of this adorable little guy courtesy puck90 via the Metblogs Flickr pool.

Not everyone gets Simpson'd

There are some of you – no, there are many of us – for whom Xena played more than a cultural touchstone or a convenient shorthand for lesbianism.  I know that you particular people would, given the opportunity, name your steed Argo just as readily as Adam named Eve Eve.  And for the big number of us who waited all Saturday afternoon for Xena to come on (or all day Sunday if you were crestfallen to find that the Dodgers took over Xena’s afternoon time slot), this one is for you: Creationent will host the annual Xena Convention about a month from now, February 5-7, at the LAX Marriot.

This is the 15th anniversary of Creationent’s Xena conventions, which is testament to both the show’s detached nerdiness and its staying power.  Lucy Lawless – Xena herself to some, Number Three to more than some, and random Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me guest to still others – is going to be there (!!!), as will be Renee O’Connor, Xena’s trusty sidekick Gabrielle (think Kelly Martin if Kelly Martin traded her red rimmed, middle-class Life Goes On glasses for a staff and decidedly not-early ’90s boots).  There will be costume contests (reason enough to go); Lucy Lawless; a dessert party centerpiece contest; Lucy Lawless; and, oh, Lucy Lawless.

The bestest weekend package are sold out – this is, after all,  the Dinah Shore before The Dinah Shore – but there are second-to-bestest weekend packages still available, as well as general admission single day passes (scroll down towards the end of the page).  Ah, you’re going to go.  You just haven’t admitted it to yourself yet.

The interior of Starbuck’s Viper (above). There are props (i.e., Luke Skywalker’s light saber) and then there are props (i.e., the Millenium Falcon).  The series finale of Battlestar Galactica notwithstanding (do we really need another lesson about both imperialism and the dangers of technology?) (the answer is: no, no we don’t), the sci-fi opera ended in May, concluding the run of one of the best television shows of the decade, if not straight up ever.  If you haven’t started, move this one up to the top of your new year’s resolution and Netflix queue.  After the series aired its final episode, the show had its last frakkin’ auction in Pasadena, during which everything from crew badges to Six’s deadly sexy red dress was auctioned off.  During a preview of the auction items, I found myself inside Starbuck’s Viper (above).  It was like I snuck off into my crush’s room to smell her clothes.  Scary, but satisfying.

Almost salon-style cuts for $15-20, no tip. After leaving my job and needing to cut back on things, I discovered that beauty schools like Aveda and Vidal Sassoon offer super cheap cuts by their cosmetology students.  Supervised by instructors, they eye your hair, help you decide on a style, and cut away.  The downside is that you have to invest at least two hours to the whole affair, which is an understandable reason to stay away if you don’t have the time.  For those of us now funemployed, it’s a fair trade.  On top of that, these students are prohibited from accepting tips, which means the price you see is the price you pay.

You can kick out nuisance tenants even in crazy rent controlled cities like Santa Monica. I’m not particularly proud of this one, as aiding a landlord evict a tenant is fundamentally against every landlord/tenant case I’ve ever worked on as pro bono counsel, but my neighbor downstairs… From drunken rages to storming through your door unannounced, Crazy Lady was, as they say in them laws, violating every tenants’ right to quiet peace and enjoyment.  Putting together the eviction papers was no fun, going to court to testify against her was no fun, but, I’ll tell you what, her demand in open court that the judge ask the neighbor’s dog – that she tried to steal, once -  about how much he loves her, was pretty funny.

Unique LA. An enormous, somewhat overwhelming fair downtown held right before the holidays, the organizers of Unique LA rounded up local artists and craftspeople to set up shop and sell their wares to LA residents.  Support the arts, support the community, done.  Wares ranged from outrageously cheap ($5 tshirts) to outrageously expensive ($60 tote bags).  Nonetheless, with persistence and the beer that came with your entrance ticket, it was all worth it.  Another event is planned for the spring, so mark your calendars!!

Huckleberry’s English muffin. I found Huckleberry’s English muffin when I stopped to breathe as I inhaled their overpriced but delicious green eggs and ham (which, by the by, are not green eggs the way Idgie Threadgoode would make them; no, they’re just eggs with some sort of pesto aioli).  The muffin was sweet, light, fluffy, beautiful.  If I could just have the muffin every morning, sans eggs or anything else to take away from the muffin itself, I would be so, so happy.

Food trucks. Sure, there is an awful lot to be said about the vendrification of the food truck, but really, it’s about time that LA had proper street food beyond the burrito and bacon-wrapped hot dogs.  Finding the Kogi truck, once, alone, in a calm before a foodie storm, and biting into a short rib burrito less than 10 minutes after I ordered it was one of the sweetest 10 minutes of 2009.

When in dire straights, honesty actually does work. I went to the hugely hyped LudoBites, and walked into a hectic night that resulted when a sous chef left the job mid-service. At most restaurants, the most you would get would be an apologetic server, maybe.  On this night, you had an apologetic server (our Royal/T server did her best to handle the service gaps); an apologetic hostess (Krissy Lefebvre); and apologetic and angry-at-himself chef (Ludo).  Both were unabashedly honest about the night’s problems, and in the words of Tabatha, were first to admit that that night was not indicative of their best work.  So, at a dinner where I would have been extraordinarily disappointed in every way, I found myself completely understanding and forgiving.  My ex-girlfriends should have been so lucky.
When in dire straights, honesty actually does work, part (a).  I was lucky enough to re-try LudoBites a week later, and wow, night and day in a different country. The scallops with brown butter, pineapple, and black powder in particular were so damned good that my girlfriend licked the plate.

DASH’s online tracking system. In an ideal world, we’d have our Metro bus stops with nice little countdown clocks above them, so you knew whether your bus was running early, on time, or late (looking at you, 704).  DASH’s online tracking system, in which you can check the status of your DASH bus on your phone and online, is an awesome, more economical way to achieve the same thing.  That is, for those of us lucky enough to own a cell phone and/or a computer.

LEX. Hailing itself as “a lesbian cultural guerilla group,” I discovered LEX by happenstance when I visited their GenderPlay exhibit at the ONE Archives on Robertson.  The founders – Lynn Ballen and Jeanne Cordova – moved back to Los Angeles a few years ago to find a somewhat disjointed lesbian cultural/political scene.  Intent on pulling together disparate elements of the community while educating us youngsters of our own history, the two founded LEX.  They plan additional events for 2010, all of which I’m looking eagerly towards.

MGM Auto Body. After someone somewhere in Echo Park managed to punch a hole through Yaris’s driver side door – yes, an actual effing hole – I needed to find a reliable auto body shop.  On the advice of Ed Little over at Ed Little’s Auto Service, I headed over to MGM Auto Body.  There, I ran into a friend I hadn’t seen in something like 8 years, who also happened to be there waiting for an estimate.  That was a good sign.  When it came my turn, the auto body guy, Fred Ojeda, said, and I quote: “Oh man, someone put a hole in your car!”  He proceeded to give me a more than reasonable estimate; he was honest about what he would, could, and might do; and he didn’t treat me like some dumb girl who didn’t know the first thing about cars (which I don’t, but that’s not the point.  I run across that crap even at gas stations, when I’m squeegee-ing my windows.  People, stop it.).  Yaris was fixed, and we were back together in no time, continuing our hole-punching thriller that is Los Angeles traffic.

Mary Lynn Rajskub-the-comedienne-not-the-Chloe.  I have a very weird crush on Mary Lynn Rajskub.  I think it’s because she owns her awkwardness with such confidence that it is at once disarming and sweet.  In any case, I’ve seen her standup show three times now – twice at the Steve Allen theater and once at the lovingly tiny and tattered Upright Citizens Brigade – and these were the best stand-up shows I’ve seen in a long while.  If she’s around between shooting 24, you must see her.

Manohla Dargis’ review of the non-directive power of women in Hollywood, and Manhola Dargis generally. I think the critique of (the nonexistent) clout of women in Hollywood reduces to the same, boring conclusion: glass ceiling; women can’t translate their gender into financial capital; if only they could find a good screenplay and shop it around, it wouldn’t be a problem; etc., etc.  Manohla Dargis, who leapfrogged from the Los Angeles Times and LA Weekly to become one of the top two film critics at The New York Times, is the exceedingly rare critic who will slam a movie for not only being bad, but socially irresponsible. Her review of The Ugly Truth, for example, was a searing critique of the treatment of women in Hollywood; going back a bit to 2005, she put out one of the very few critiques of Crash, in which she called director Paul Hagis out on making a movie that “is nothing more than an encounter session writ large.”   Her recent recap of the year of women in Hollywood was a frustrating read on the decreasing role of women making movies, much less making movies about women devoid of sexism.  The essay was followed-up by a fantastic, all-gloves-off interview with Jezebel (”If you buy Variety or go online and look at the deals, you see one guy after another smiling in a baseball cap. It’s all guys making deals with other guys. I had a female studio chief a couple of years ago tell me point blank that she wasn’t hiring a woman to do an action movie because women are good at certain things and not others. If you have women buying that bullshit how can we expect men to be better?”) [ital. added].  Read it, and hope that Hollywood reads and absorbs it too.

On to 2010!

So, even though I haven’t made a year-end list in something like a decade, here is mine.  Are mine.  Inspired by a friend – and by “inspired,” I mean “blatantly stole the idea from” – this is the first of a three-list round up of some my least favorite, most favorite, and most meh LA-specific discoveries I made throughout the year.  I’ll start off on the bad foot with my Least Favorite Finds of 2009:  the demise of parking in Los Angeles, the closure of my favorite dyke bar, and really bad Korean BBQ.

THE LEAST FAVORITE FINDS OF 2009.  Unranked.

The judicial system can’t save us if we’re really that intent on perpetuating injustice. The fight over gay marriage culminated in May with the California Supreme Court’s decision on the legality (not the morality) of Prop. 8.  One hundred thirty six pages of legalese about state constitutional revisions versus amendments later, the result was this: a very awkward social hierarchy of coupledom that is wholly dependent upon the date you officially I do’ed.  Marriage for some, the lavender blacklist – er, domestic partnerships – for others.  Twist as they might, if the California Supreme Court is forced to reach an absurd result, it will.  Our systems fail us because we fail us.

Traffic got worse. And it’s not going to get better.  Traffic is an easy, often too easy, criticism of Los Angeles, but it’s hard to critique a slam when it’s a dunk.  Westside traffic in particular is horrific, and I swear that this year was worse than the last.  Instead of taking 20 minutes to drive 5 miles on weekday mornings from Santa Monica to Century City, it more or less took 25, sometimes even half an hour.  My girlfriend, leaving the apartment at the same time, would be in Northridge and would have polished off her first cup of tea before I even parked my car.  It’s frustrating enough that you’re angry with yourself and everyone else in your way for sharing the road and the blame for the bottleneck; on top that, it’s psychologically frustrating because, in a city whose sprawl already can make it an awfully lonely place to live, the metal wreckage is just that much more isolating.  It’s tough to be surrounded by so many people and still feel like you’re in it all alone.

The cost of parking. When you do finally reach your destination, you need to be a high roller, literally – hopefully, by now, you’re carrying a $10 roll of quarters in the junk change section of the car.  We’ve covered the topic fairly comprehensively here (and here) on Metblogs, but just to recap the highlights: you’re going to need twelve quarters to buy an hour downtown on a weekday; eight in Hollywood.  In addition, most parts of the city, from Santa Monica to Silver Lake, have increased the hours for which you have to pay for metered parking.  And heaven help you if you forget to feed the beast.

People still riot after a local team wins a championship. After the Lakers won the national championship, how did we celebrate?  By trying to tear up downtown.  And, as riots go, it was a pretty stale one at that.  Go team!

The Korean BBQ Festival & Cook-Off. Korean bbq trucks, Korean double fried chicken, Korean BBQ — this should have been the year non-Asians discovered that Koreans eat something other than kimchi out of their refridgerated, unmarked jars.  The Korean BBQ Festival & Cook-Off in August, in Koreatown and guest judged by such dignatories as the Gold himself, should have been the hallmark event for the cuisine.  It wasn’t.  Held in a too-small parking lot, the organizers’ severe underestimation of the event’s turnout resulted in cramped quarters; enormous lines; and rather uninteresting “events” that did little to entertain anyone who was waiting the 45 minutes in line to eat.  And that’s if you even got a plate – as the lines grew, the food supply dwindled.  Hopefully, they will be better, and more organized, next year.

The Normandie Room closes. The Normandie Room – the lesbian bar for Westside lezzies who are too old, too boring, or too tired (i.e., me, all of the above) of the Scene at Here Lounge and Girlbar – closed its doors after a ten year run.  Tucked away as it was in an innocuous plaza near a Ramada Inn, it was a great alternative to what can be both the overly gay and the overly heterosexualized atmosphere of WeHo.  Sure, the bar could get crazy, but it didn’t have to.  You could sit in the corner and nurse a beer or you could lay stakes down at the pool table and make friends, enemies, and frenemies.  The little sanctuary that could petered out due in large part to the crippling economy, and I found out about the bar’s all-kegs-go goodbye party in the nick of time.  Guess I’ll be seeing more of you, Silver Lake.

That’s it for the least favorites of this year.  Let’s end the year on a good note, shall we?

Pretty nifty photo courtesy Tom Andrews via the Metblogs Flickr pool.