Top 8 reasons to vote yea on Prop 8: Stop gay marriage!

By David Markland
October 9th, 2008 @ 12:32 PM Commentary, Rants, Twitter

#8: With gay marriages will come gay divorces. Does our country need more divorces? Didn’t think so.

#7: Brad Pitt said he wouldn’t get married until marriage is available to everyone, meaning gays. Do gay men or straight woman want Pitt off the market? Didn’t think so.

#6: If being gay becomes more mainstream, there will be less need of closets. Do you really want closet manufacturers to be laid off? Didn’t think so.

#5: Gay marriage would apply pressure on more men to “commit.” Really, fellow men, do you want to encorage this sort of behavior? Didn’t think so.

#4: Married same sex couples will stop referring to themselves as cryptic “partners” and instead as “spouses.” Do you hate mysteries? Didn’t think so.

#3: The further mainstreaming of gay marriage will result in more movies like, “I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry.” Do you hate America? Didn’t think so.

#2: Under Governor Mitt Romney, Massachusetts made gay marriage legal. Do you liberals want to be like Mitt Romney? Didn’t think so.

#1: More weddings, gay or otherwise = more wedding showers and wedding gifts. Do you really want to spend more time browsing wedding registeries at Pottery Barn for anything affordable besides something called a soup tureen? Didn’t think so.

Related posts:

  1. Preserving traditional marriage, one illicit affair at a time
  2. Prop 8: Mormon money and the black vote
  3. Melissa Ethridge speaks out on Prop 8 results
  4. CA Gay group will wait until 2012 for Prop 8 repeal effort
  5. Marriage Equality canvas set for SGV this Sunday

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8 Comments so far

  1. Jason Burns (jasonburns) on October 9th, 2008 @ 12:54 pm

    I still find it amusing that people are being asked to vote YES to say NO.


  2. Chal Pivik (thunderboltfan) on October 9th, 2008 @ 1:01 pm

    Gay couples wouldn’t be caught dead registering at Pottery Barn. Think Design Within Reach and Hermès.


  3. Extranea: The Influenza Edition « Carver’s Dog (pingback) on October 9th, 2008 @ 1:10 pm

    [...] Also, when you get a sec’ check out David Markland’s hilarious tongue-in-cheek top eight reasons to stop gay marriage initiatives at Metroblogging L.A. [...]


  4. frazgo on October 9th, 2008 @ 1:50 pm

    brilliant.


  5. frazgo on October 9th, 2008 @ 1:55 pm

    The singer or the blond? Kidding.
    Let see 1982 I was….lucky there were few pictures and I doubt I was much better.


  6. Matt Mason (mason) on October 9th, 2008 @ 6:51 pm

    Funny!


  7. Chinese language Prop 8 ad needs little translation « California Faultline (pingback) on October 13th, 2008 @ 3:20 pm

    [...] And a personal plug: if you haven’t read them already, my Top 8 Reasons to Vote Yea on Prop 8. [...]


  8. dwr1ten on October 13th, 2008 @ 4:44 pm

    David don’t forget that it means more horrific bridesmaid dresses or tux rentals, too. Weddings don’t just mean gifts, they mean painful clothing. Band together to stop the horror!! ;)



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